I can't believe that I have only a little over a week left in this place.
I am actually really happy about it.
So I am sitting here waiting for one of my best friends in the universe to come and spend the weekend with me, and it reminds me of how ready I am to leave. After acing this semester, and dealing with the effects of some fair-weather friends, I am exhausted. I wonder if I will ever get back to this place. I have a feeling I will, but there is one thing I can say with complete certainty: I would never want to live here full-time. Am I crazy? I don't think so, at least speaking in these terms. Living in New York City just reminded me of how much I love Philadelphia way more, even though it is twice as flawed and dangerous. Everything here seems to have an air of superficiality: whether it be celebrities just "hanging around" Central Park, the model walking in front of you on 7th Avenue who looks like she spent 40 days and 40 nights fasting in the desert with Jesus, or how everything has to do with looks. I feel uncomfortable wearing jeans and a t-shirt and no makeup, and if I know that that is me, why would I want to survive here? What I love about Philadelphia is that it may not be perfect, or have a billionaire mayor, but it is life to me. If you stay within the right parts (and you DO NOT want to end up in the wrong ones) you can see it all. History, diversity, food, music, love, poverty...it is all there. And you know what? No one gives a damn about what you look like. I know for sure that I do not want to spend the rest of my life in the city, but right now, it seems like the most correct decision I have made in a while. I came to New York for the same reason a lot of other people do, which is, unfortunately, that it sparkled. It was like a shiny new toy, an experience full of glamour and glitter. It was the fashion capital, the setting of countless TV shows and films, and to a naive girl like myself, I thought what better way to prove to people that I can make it on my own is there than moving to New York City? Sitting here now though, writing this, I know that I didn't prove anything to anybody. I just did something, which I knew deep down wasn't for my true happiness, but rather a personal statement, and it was a mistake. I don't regret it. I met a few good people, did some crazy things, and got to experience the glitz first hand, but you know what? I have had my fill. It is time to be honest with myself and the ones I love, and do what makes me truly happy. And even though I still have no clue about where I'll end up, I know that wherever I go, this time, it will be for the right reasons. That's it for now.
