Megalomaniac.

I don't think I have been this angry in awhile.

Coming from someone who rarely gets truly angry because I figure there are a lot worse things happening around the world than what I am going through.

But I figure there are times to be overtly selfish. And I can't help but let this time be one of them.

So I just got back to the city from Thanksgiving Break, and it was probably the most eventful break I have had in years. (I say that like I am eighty-something years old...but still...it is true). First, let's get down to one of the core reasons I am so angry at the world right now, and why my typing speed is probably double of what it usually is. I know that this is one of the biggest cop outs ever, but I have an extremely dysfunctional family, and as I become more mature and all, I start to see that there are so many roots and reasons as to why things are the way they are. Anyway, I feel it everywhere now whenever I am with my family. The tension, the awkwardness, and the fact that all of us are getting to a point where we are tired of pretending. Being around everyone is just tiring, and the fact that I am putting this on the internet for the entire world to see makes me seem like a Soviet spy on U.S. soil to them. I hate it. I hate that everyone can't get along and be rational. How the idea of a joke is always at someone's expense. How someone always ends up crying or upset. All of it, the whole nine yards, ends up happening, and I am just so sick of it. And you know what? No one ever notices, but I am starting to see people for who they truly are, and I realize that more of them are truly kind, amazing people outside of the family. I realize that one of them must have given up a lot of what made them who they are, to be a part of this. And I realize that one is so caught up with what is going on within himself, that he doesn't realize how badly he hurts other people sometimes. What is it that makes us so ugly when we are around the people who are supposed to love us no matter what? Because all the love I have ever received from some of these people, now feels purely conditional. Love isn't a word you can just throw around and expect people to believe in. You need to show it, live it, act it-and then people may start believing you, because I don't anymore. Got it?

That's it for now.