New Low.

It's late. And I'm confused.

Have you ever really liked the wrong person?

It seems like that if there is something wrong to do...I'll do it.

So, I met this guy. I didn't just meet him, and this isn't a new situation at all, but really, I have no idea what to do with myself at this point. I'm already to two questions and I'm about five lines into this thing but do you ever just know something in your heart? Yeah, it seems I have one of them after all. I'm gonna go into another story that is almost too parallel to how I am feeling right about now. Once upon a time, way back when, I was a thirteen year old girl who knew nothing. When I saw him for the first time though, I knew. With some time and something worthy of being called a miracle, he saw me too. It was a whirlwind. I had no idea how to describe the emotions I felt then. I  suppose I felt needed, wanted, and alive for the very first time, and it was breathtaking. When he kissed me, my very first kiss, I swear I saw stars for about three weeks straight, and I haven't felt like that since. But this little fairy tale of mine came at a huge price. The good times did not even come close to the bad ones. I held on to the littlest things for months to get me by when he decided I wasn't worth his time. He pushed me around, knew he had me wrapped around his finger, and used me. I'm sure if you asked him right now to describe what I was to him, it would be something close to nothing, maybe just a little crush. If you asked what he was to me? Ha. Well, put the pieces together, and you figure out what he meant to me, what I still would do for him, even though I have finally moved on. The whole point of writing this? Well, I'm in another dilemma. The missing piece of this puzzle is that the entire time I was involved with this guy, he was with someone else. It was his excuse to literally reduce me to a pawn. When I think of how pathetic I was, letting myself be just a form of entertainment when he was bored in his relationship, I cringe. I swore to myself when I let him go, so recently it is embarrassing, that I would never let anyone do that to me again. Well, what have I done? Put myself back at the beginning of that almost same exact road, because like I was saying at the beginning, I know it in my heart. Except what makes this worse is that something just feels right instead of all kinds of wrong. After successfully shutting myself out from this stuff for about two years, feeling it again makes my brain hurt. I've tried to tell myself not to like him for awhile, but I just can't. I think I'm too tired to give it up. I don't know anymore. I think I'll just move to Belarus or something and live an old, happy life milking goats and listening to a transistor radio where they do not play any type of Taylor Swift at all because she makes my head hurt too. I need help. That's it for now.